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God is my Facebook friend

I have been spending quite a bit of time lately with Facebook and figuring out everything it has to offer. As I did, I remembered this Barats and Bereta video that I’d come across a while ago and promptly forgotten about. Now I’m not only remembering this piece of social media history, I’m also sharing it with you:


Gods Facebook Page – Watch more free videos

Adsturbation: Time to give yourself the low five.

AdsturbationEveryone loves a countdown. Whether it’s dropping the ball in NYC at New Years or the Top Ten list for light nighters with Letterman. But none get the populace as excited as this weeks. No, it’s not a countdown to my birthday… instead let it be known that there are only six days til New York’s weeklong celebration of one of life’s most selfless, charitable and downright noble industries. Firemen? Teachers? EMT? No, you marketing numbnuts… it’s Advertising Week, and a more useless, self-congratulatory circle jerk you won’t find in any other industry in America… except maybe porn.

Anyways, this time around AdWeek goes balls to the wall and uses social media to help it along as it’s decided to invade Second Life with their own island where you can go at any time to relive the weeks festivities and watch their presentations. Their site doesn’t scream that they’ve actually embraced the fine art of social media optimization but meh.At least we know it’s a crock and they were kind enough to create their own Rikers-esque island you have to go out of your way to get to instead of invading a virtual Manhattan. We all know that Ad Week is just another way for the actual city to make a few bucks with an ego-boosting handjob. No harm in that, I guess. While you’re celebrating, get out a fresh tissue and check out a site that really understands your needs… Adsturbation.

Passing the Google Adwords Certification Exam – Part 1

It was bound to happen sooner or later. Having dealt with PPC for a while now it was just in the cards that I would one day have to buckle down and pass the exam to become a Google Adwords Qualified Individual. I wish I could say I was all excited about the prospect but you know.. I wasn’t. As best I could tell it got me umm… a logo and maybe some bragging rights. To whom? You’ve got me. Mostly my disdain was at just actually taking the test. I hate tests. I hate failing tests more and I really had no idea what to expect. For all the web marketing people out there who are so open with some information I have no idea why people are generally so tight lipped about what to anticipate on the exam. This article is for anyone and everyone who is thinking about taking the test and finds themselves completely in the dark as to what’s around the corner.

First off you need to determine your level of expertise. From what I had gathered this ranged from people who ran their own successful web marketing firms who “barely passed” to people who had handled a handful of Adwords accounts that “studied like it was an actual exam” and didn’t seem to think it was that big of a deal at all.

Translation: Not fucking helpful.
My Thoughts: Putting in days worth of studying for the unknown doesn’t sound like fun and though I’ve run my fair share of accounts I most certainly don’t run my own marketing firm.
Where That Leaves Me:
Headed up the river with a boat and no paddle.

This leaves me with no other choice but to start studying. I decide, on the fact that I hate failing more than I hate studying that it would be in my best interest to study and study hard. In the end it can only do me good right? What’s going to happen… I’m going to come away with too much knowledge? So after several failed attempts to be able to alot my time in such a fashion to allow me to study at work or afterwards I find that I have no other option than to lock myself in my room for a day and hit the books, so to speak. And by hitting the books, I mean going through every piece of training in the Google AdWords Learning Center, taking notes and building myself a cheat sheet to die for..

Saturday comes and that’s exactly what I do. By 8am, fresh coffee in hand, I start my routine. By 10:30 or 11, I’m tired. Having figured I’d just run the whole gamut and then take the quizzes followed by the exam, I decide to scroll down through the list ’cause surely I’m almost done. As it turns out, I’ve completed 9 whole lessons… out of 110!

Say what?!! 110 of these things? 3 hours complete and I’m only 9 lessons in? Officer Barbrady, I call shenanigans!

Translation: Bullshit.
My Thoughts: At this rate I will never finish the lessons, much less the quizzes, nor the test in one day. Complete Bullshit.
Where That Leaves Me: Running around the house cursing everything that could possibly be cursed in the name of Google and trying to figure out an alternative to this regiment from hell.

Plan B
OK. Before I begin Plan B, let me just say that the learning center at AdWords is very very good. They cover just about everything you would need to get a PHD in being a PPC whore. However, the day I need to know the standard EU VAT tax for countries billing in Ireland that don’t report their tax rates and infact reside in a different country, in order to pass an exam, is the day that Google can lick my ass and I’m $50 richer by default. Now where was I? Oh yes…

Plan B
This consisted of my strategy by which I decided that in lieu of studying all 110 sections, I would just take the quizzes at the end of each section. Then, if I tank a section or think that I just don’t know enough to pass a test on it, I can go and study that section.

As it turns out.. taking 110 quizzes takes a decent amount of time. Maybe 3 hours or more? Ugh. Google should pay me to take this damn thing. Anyways at the end of quiz number 95 or so.. it’s getting late. And late being like 8 hours later. Having taken a variety of short breaks to go to the store and run errands and cook dinner and keep my sanity in place, this was getting ridiculous. Google, don’t you know I have a life to live? Quiz #96 gets rung in with a shot of Jameson and a toast to my girl.

Suffice to say that by Quiz #110, regardless of my lackluster performance in a variety of billing and European tax questions, I was in no mood or shape to start studying. After all, I didn’t even know if I could take this exam under my own name or if I was going to have to use the login the last guy from my company used and give him credit, where it was so obviously due to me.

Translation: Maybe I shoulda thought of a Plan C.

Tune in later this week for Plan C and beyond….

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