Dear Google
what are you doing to me? i used to love you so so much back in the
old days when you were a simple search engine with the bestest results
ever. oh and when you invented that toolbar where i could keep track
of all the pop-up ads you were kind enough to block for me? and how i
would chuckle at all the schmucks who obesessed over how to win at the
page rank game. as if you didn’t just invent that to fuck with the seo
freaks who had the nerve to manipulate your search results. that was
the high point of our relationship fo’ shizzle.
then it all started to go wrong. i got this odd feeling that you
wanted to take over my computer. and then every other computer. just
to find out everything you could about us all so you’ll know what AD
to serve up to us when we turned on a TV, flipped through a magazine
or drove past a billboard in 5 years when you take over the world. and
who knows what other evil “minority report” type schemes you have
going at the googleplex. and don’t even get me started on how you take
advantage of the people who give you money… don’t you have ALL the
smarties working for you? can’t one of them find a better way?
but now, this is the final straw. now you have my love chained to a
desk on a saturday to take a test that should consist of one simple
question: 1) you or your company send buttloads of money google’s way?
yeah? cool… you’re in. but no, nothing can be simple at google and
it sounds to me like this process is just another thing you’ve
concocted for the sole purpose of fucking with web marketing freaks. well, my
man is not one of those, he just happens to find
himself in this position.. but that is a story for another
letter. so why don’t you knock say, about 108 steps off of this
madness so he could be done with it. and so he could see me so
that i can kiss him and hug him and show him the tree where i use to
collect buckeyes when i was a wee little girl.
and then maybe i will think about installing google desktop 8.0 so
that you can spy on me & serve up a Ginger Chai scented
bodywash ad when i log in to my gworld account.
sincerely,
anonymous
[smomashup note] This letter was given to me as I locked myself in my room for four zillion hours to study and complete the google adwords qualified individual exam. It has been edited slightly to protect both the guilty and the innocent. [/end note]
posted by greg :: May.22.2007 ::
PPC
Be Social (6) :: del.icio.us
Digg it
ma.gnolia
Netscape
reddit
StumbleUpon
Tag Cloud:
adsturbation adwords analytics Blog Marketing Blog Meme calvinball class Cleveland SEO danny sullivan del.icio.us Digg dofollow facebook firefox extensions games Ghost Ride tha Whip google adwords exam google notebook interview iphone Local Search measuring nofollow pagerank personalized search powerpoint PPC second life SEO SES Chicago social bookmarking social media Social Media Optimization spyware StumbleUpon tag clouds time magazine video web design wikipedia wordpress
Good post
, it looks you’re quite frustrated with Google’s approach !!
The problem is Google has gone beyond the capabilities of search engine which is its core.
Lol, I like this statement “process is just another thing you’ve
concocted for the sole purpose of fucking with web marketing freaks”
Greg google has got two aspects for me one is positive and one is negative one of my friends even said gogle is bit evil at time.
outside this post you’re doing a good job for the community greg
Cool post, I can totally relate to it. I think most webmasters spend way too much time keeping up with google’s constant changes. It’s enough to drive a person crazy.
[...] what are you doing to me? i used to love you so so much back in the old days when you were a simple search engine with the bestest results ever. oh and when you invented that toolbar where i could keep track of all the pop-up ads you were kind enough to block for me? and how i would chuckle at all the schmucks who obesessed over how to win at the page rank game. as if you didn’t just invent that to fuck with the seo freaks who had the nerve to manipulate your search results. that was the high point of our relationship fo’ shizzle. (more…) [...]
[...] what are you doing to me? i used to love you so so much back in the old days when you were a simple search engine with the bestest results ever. oh and when you invented that toolbar where i could keep track of all the pop-up ads you were kind enough to block for me? and how i would chuckle at all the schmucks who obesessed over how to win at the page rank game. as if you didn’t just invent that to fuck with the seo freaks who had the nerve to manipulate your search results. that was the high point of our relationship fo’ shizzle. (more…) [...]
Google, go back to being a search engine and try to be relevant again!